Man, it's 1.11 a now (:



I guess i have to retire to bed soon, if I still want to wake up for school tomorrow ><

Have I mentioned?

There's one sole purpose for blogging today! (:

I had a good good dream this morning when I refused to wake up at 7 :p

Turned out to be the best 40 minutes I can have at sleep (:

Hahaha



Dreamnt of Jonghyun this morning! :D

Was kinda surprised that Shinee was in the dream hahaha, 'cause the setting was in our school, with April, Ely and Jamie.

I dreamnt that we were friends with the 5 of them. They were singers in the dream too, but we were all close friends and such.

Anyway, things happened here and there, and as I've always mentioned,

Dreams could feel so so so real.

Friendships were tested in the dream. Hurtful words and stuffs. T.T



Zzang! Good ending though (:

To just sort of summarise everything,

He took my bag away from me and I let him carry it for me.

He told me he'll always be there.

And he hugged me (: (: (:



It felt so real, the hug.

Could still almost feel my hands on his back, my arms making a perfect ring around his bony frame.

And how he held me firmly.

His shirt was grass green, and it felt soft against the cheek.

Stayed that way for what seemed like ages (and I'd not mind a bit even if it continues on HAHAHA 'cause it felt so warm! :D )

And then I slowly opened my eyes.



Hahah and realised the softy feeling came from my blanket. Puhhhhh.... =.=

Anyway, he brightened up my day! :D

He made me do 5 Chem papers instead of the intended 3 papers (:

Nae oppa ya (: He's a charming person (:



Marilyn: I miss you too (: How did you know? I was just watching your dance vid yesterday (:

Hahah but just in case, for my friends back there who are going to forget how i look like (T.T)

I'm going to post a few more recent photos HEHEH so remember my face yea! (:

Gonna be back real soon!

After STPM let's go out aight? (:


Li Lan and I (:


The both of us having fun during Graduation day (;

Looking good, girl! (:


Heh! I like this pic a lot! :D



And of course! (:

I must add the pic of the main character too! :D

One week of terrible. TERRIBLE week has past! (:

Started on Tuesday, with Math Paper 1.

Proceeded with GP Papers 1 and 2 on Wed, together with Bio Paper 2.

Then on Thurs, I had Chem Paper 3 and History.

And on Friday, Math Paper 2.



Yea. Now the PCME people will understand what tiring and discouraging time the BCMHs have had last werk! ><

But all the best, yea, my beloved peers! (: SO many people have shown me much much support during the tough week :D

Stevenn, who bought cupcakes for my late-night studies because I love food that much and couldnt go out to get them.

Meilani, whose laptop I'm using to blog now :D

Regina dear, whose text message was kinda touching (:

Not to forget my comrade LENA CHUA who's taking the same combi,

Joerh for her Time Out! chocolate, all my other hostel mates and schoolmates! (:



Thank you Lannie dear, Jamie, Elysia and the rest, buddy HongZuo, and everyone else who'd sent me goodluck messages! (: (: (:

Saranghae!





Talked, thought about you.

Not so intentionally, but I regret so much. I know this is inappropriate, especially since it's been so long and forgotten,

But I am still very apologetic.

I've been selfish; I was not wise enough.

But then again, let's leave it here!

We can't come to a conclusion anyway.



I really dont want to have seemed what they seem like to me, in your eyes.

I'll be better at this, I promise. This to you, and myself.
You shouldn't be reading this I suppose. No, I've decided, you won't be.

But I'd still like to think that you'd give this old friend of yours some time for thoughts and memories.

That's not too much, eh? (:



But if there's one thing I'd want you to hear more than anything right now,



Well, thinking really hard bout it, (Spent around 15 minutes trying to think of what it would be =.=)
I realise that there couldnt be just one thing. There are so many things to say, more than words.

Perhaps I should write again when you come to mind next time.



For now, Shin Jiu hawiting! :D Na halsuissoh :D

FIGHT! (: (: (:



Counting down... oing home on Dec 9! (:

When they say countdown, this is what it means.


1 day to A Levels! O.o


My dear God. What can I say more?

I still feel extremely unprepared, a new kind of fear.

But this too, will be over. I shall just make the best out of what's left right? (:

And yesterday I had a good dream. One that was too good to wake up from.

One too good to even think about. Makes reality a nightmare in comparison.

I dreamnt that I met X at Serangoon MRT station. The familiar, old, good Serangoon MRT station (:

It was akward, so I didn't know if I should say hi? I didn't eventually. It's habit now.

You were wearing dark green. Black-framed glasses. You looked exactly what you always are. And I thank Heavens for that because usually people look a lil different and distorted in my dreams ><

Thought what always happened had just happened. Didn't expect much, yet suddenly, you were knocking the door of my old house. (Yeap, the old house in Malacca, the old apartment my family and i used to live in. The setting sort of just changed from Singapore MRT station to... my old house in Malacca?)

My mum opened the door and invited you in. I was of course, no less surprised than she was.

But happy, yes. Very happy, but given our friendship, expression isn't something we put on our faces, feelings arent something we'd wear on our sleeves.

And you had no idea how happy i was when you talked.

Can't remember what we talked about later, but I could guess it was just the usual, casual talk. We got comfortable as we talked, as if we're back to old times.

Loved the green shirt, loved how your deodorant smelled, loved how hard you're trying to eradicate the initial discomfort, loved how you smiled at me just like the old times.

Very nostalgic feelings.

And then later when you were about to leave, I sent you to the door. Closed the iron grill but I could still see you standing in front of the door.

What I was feeling that moment was, if there was anything so strong, gratitude more than anything else. We were finally talking again. We were finally smiling at each others' jokes again. I was close to you again, close enough to watch your animated expressions and akward hand gestures.

And hope. Some hope.

You turned away after that, and walked down the steps. (I live onthe 2nd floor)

Suddenly, you turned around, and took very quick, small steps up the stairs and then you were standing in front of me again.

Without any sign of what's going to happen next, you started telling me what your name was, what your age was, when your birthday was, your height (you said it's 406 cm!), your weight, what you liked, what you disliked, your habits, and stuffs.

You wanted us to get to know each other again. Start afresh again.

I was obviously very happy (: Thought it cute too.

And then you took out something from your pocket, something you sew yourself. Gave it to me. Some lucky pouch for A Levels.

And said something. Something sweet.

And then you were gone. But at least before you turned away, we were smiling (:

Reality check.

These will never happen. Believing in this is so much easier than trying to relive the dream.

Funny how we feel so real in our dreams. Very realistic, pure feelings.

In our dreams we dont have to be anyone else. We've got nothing to hide from our own mind.

This made me remember something.

To philosopical thinking HUNK that I sometimes text out of randomness,

I guess what we were talking about that night on msn, about how we behave and stuffs...

We both agree that we can't be people person all the time right?

I say, we can try to let others get to know us inside too (: That's one way for them to accept us, to think of us at times. We're hiding too much, holding back too much,

The friendship will not be fair.

I'm gonna try that, not just to people who are very close to us, but to other other people too.

My regret is that I dont think people really understand people like us. We seem so bipolar, so deceiving, very unpredictably temperamental.

So I guess for now, rather than perhaps silently hoping that others need me and like me in general, my friend, I'm gonna try to let more people understand me.

Not easy I think, but we;ll take it step by step.

Will you join me?

Met up with SK oppa this morning. Thank you for everything! :D

For the GC, for the breakfast, for the Redoxon, for the laughter, for the time, for the inspiration, for the hope you've given me (:

Nomu komapta (: Na haengbokaeyo, oppa (:

I can't pretend these tears

Aren't overflowing steadily

I can't prevent this hurt from

Almost overtaking me

But I will stand and say goodbye (stand and say goodbye)

For you'll never be mine

yay yay! So you noticed that I've changed my blogskin!

It was really a random decision. Was feeling really really stressed out and thought that, perhaps, changing my blogskin would make me feel a lil better.

And it did!

Took my mind off studies for minutes, and yeap, after this post, you bet I'll be back at Bio again.



This is tiring and scary, having to sit for A Levels next week.

But I guess it's worth looking forward to too, in some ways.

Just trying to keep my positivity going.

But oh God, really afraid ): ):

Had to blast all those loud and energetic music now to stop myself from thinking negative ><

GO myself! Go everyone! :D



Went to the temple again today, as I've been doing for the past few days.

I really enjoy those trips (: It's very meaningful and peaceful!

Gives me some time to not think about studies, but of more important stuffs like family and the world.

I really need it (: (:

I'm loving God every day on (:



Initially wanted to write about the girls i saw in Bishan, but decided to give it a go.

Perhaps next time, when it's not so late and i'm less stressed out .



3 consultations tomorrow! Last day in school too.

Meeting the same few people again, they're family! (:

Then doing Math timed practise outside..

The last few days, please let them be well-spent and fruitful!

God guide and be with us, please! (: (:

» Right Understanding
» Right Thoughts
» Right Speech
» Right Action
» Right Livelihood
» Right Effort
» Right Mindfulness
» Right Concentration

I'm on the right path (:

Now I know what I truly desire.

11% can just disappear now.

More, please. 7-11, Cold Storage, please give me something more thrilling please.



Today wasn't so bad. Did Paper 1s for chem.

Supposed to do some GP at night but now Im so worn out, I'm actually retiring to bed soon.

ANd DBSK's old songs are priceless!



Just suddenly feel that sometimes the harder you try to hold on to some things,

You realise that they slip away even faster, even easier than you'd hope.

Just don't expect, i think.



Then again, it's always around this crucial time that I start to mess up.

Been doing good, progressing fine.

And now I'm back at it again.

Feels like a double-faced idiot. Ugh.



Why do people often want to complicate things?

Just let it rest, won't you?

Please don't try to make a mountain out of a mole, especially if there was never a mole in the first place.

Before anything else, hahahha when you realise that after i havent written anything,

and suddenly im here typing again...



You know it's because SHINee has just released their new song! :D

As for what I think about it, hmm... I would decline to comment for now ><







There you go.

Credits to Tang Ni and Li tong for trying to make me watch this afternoon, and say, with self control, I actually managed to stop myself from getting tempted to watch the 4 minute video this afternoon,

which I was pretty sure would last much much longer than that when we start exploring other videos.

And guess what!

I didnt watch it this afternoon, instead went back to my room... and slept =.='''

This is terrible!



Perhaps i should've watched the vid then, because after watching it i would feel guilty and then work full speed for my studies.

It'll still be better than sleeping right after lunch all the way till dinner =.=

Yea, i know, scold me, wince at that idea.

I've now confirmed that I shall never never stay in during this crucial period.





Anyway, just now I dropped by Yueh's profile to see how she's been doing over at Stanford.

She looked really really happy, but yea, we all know that sometimes photos dont tell the whole truth,

But still, I know she's good at all these things! :D

I think I really miss her a lot (:



ANd this makes me want to go home.

Cant wait for A levels to be over, then we can all have some fun.

But, as they say, that kinda rest, too, must be well-earned.

So I WILL EARN MY REST BY THE END OF THIS YEAR! :D :D :D



You see that, it spells FOCUS! ;D



And I've initially, lots of things to talk about.

Then I heard this news, which, I'm not really sure is authentic, but I shall go confirm it with my mom

because it's quite unsettling. Ugh. ><



Let's study! :D

Saw Tiwi's facebook status today. It says 'Simplicity is bliss."

AND i agree :D :D :D



Have always agreed.



Look at me. Two years've gone just like that.

.

Just like that.

You open your hand, close it, and open it again.

You see nothing. You've nothing.

No, that's not what im implying, not implying that these 2 years have gone to waste.

Merely trying to say that... it now feels so empty, like there's nothing to hold onto anymore.

Okay, there are. The people, the memories, the evidence of warmth.

But it'll be a good couple of months trying to survive without all these soon when I leave this place.

And more.



Two nights ago I was lying on my bed, tucked in and ready to sleep.

And suddenly I thought of what it'll feel like returning home.

The warmth, the comfort, the love, the food, home.

The thought alone was very comforting and welcoming. I'd love to go home and have a good rest, idling around beside my family members and old friends.

Really looking forward to going home (:



Then suddenly, thoughts of the malaysian directs flashed almost immediately after.

The smiling faces of all 14 of us.

These are the people I've met before anyone else, when I first arrived in Singapore.

Shared 2 weeks of perfect intimacy together.

Then when school starts, distance grew and sometimes they even felt like strangers. At some point of time.

There were quarrels, misunderstandings, departures, silent endurance of personalities that turned sour.

Thank goodness we are all good and close again now, but the past felt a lil like hell (or so I've exaggerated).

And it was defintely a year wasted.

That night I was thinking, regretting too at the same time, that I've not spent as much time as I could with all of us.



I don't think there'd be much time when i could hang one arm around your shoulder or laugh at your lame jokes anymore.

Don't think there's enough time for more ubin outings or stuffs like that.

Don't think the level of comfort I've felt with you guys, in the sense that even the guys felt like sisters and the genuine security I had with you guys would occur to me often.

Don't think we'd have much time left.

Don't think we'll meet after A levels, perhaps only during the Alevels results get-together.

Just that.

And then this special thing we share, this thing that brought us together, would be gone.

What's left would be mere memories.



But I don't want just memories.

I want all of us to stay here, in the hostel, having small talks and big laughs over dinner, occassionally taking a trip to kovan to buy groceries and pontian noodles, together.

Lived long enough to know that reminiscing the past could sometimes bring comfort to the soul, knowing that you have not completely forgotten certain people or things that mattered so much to you.

But playing memories in my head sometimes make me cry.

I've always been obssessed with the past rather than the present or the future, and since re-living the past is an impossible NO NO for now,

thinking about the sweet things that have happened yet knowing that they'd only stay as memories... is an extremely torturous thing for me.



Things that have happened could not rewind themselves; even if they happen again, the feelings would be different

People who have left will come back different. Or they would just feel different, somehow, eventhough you recognise that they're still somewhat the same person you knew.

But just... different.



I know the focus now is Alevels, and I really am thankful for the support I'm getting.

I guess the effort I'm putting in is fair enough, but I ll work harder!

Yet when you see the End approaching... it's hard to not feel 'something' about it.





But I'm a happy girl! :D





Because you guys were friends before lovers, so even if the both of you aren't lovers anymore,

it'll definitely be fine to return to being normal friends.

GO GO GO! (:

Nobody wants to lose a friendship at best.



And there's something I want to do on this Friday.

My last chance of keeping the last tiny bit of the happiest time we've had this year.

Hope it'd happen.

Hope the picture'll last.

The feelings may not, but hopefully, at least, in the pic, we can see the happy expressions we used to have.

Sincere genuine happiness as friends (: (: